I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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