I've blown a few things in my day
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think people are normalizing furries
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
