I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
