and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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