I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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