So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
