shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
True strength comes from lack of pants
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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