I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I will pee on everything he values.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The power of my boobs compel you
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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