i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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