i just made my gag reflex go away.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
