Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize