What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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