I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
