some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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