i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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