it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
