Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
