Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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