...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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