remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
