My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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