You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
