They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
