i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
