I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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