Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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