So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
