Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
