why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
