We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
