found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
