I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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