What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
