Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize