i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
