I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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