Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
