I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
