you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
