that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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