I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
