Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
