guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize