Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
