im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
