I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
