i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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