1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
