my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Everything about him screamed your future.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize