kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
