I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drake has all the answers
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize