i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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