Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
