This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
