My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
