Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize