someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
