I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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