Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
