You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm just crazy horny about you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
