My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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