took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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