Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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