wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize