New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
