my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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